The Woman in White: The Finishining

Omg. We're done.

This is probably the main downside of having a readalong that stretches from Los Angeles to Long Island — we can't all go to a bar and get drunk while talking about Count Fosco and how he somehow BEATS US AT MARIAN-LOVE. I was like "NO, NO ONE SHALL EQUAL THE INTENSITY OF MY FEELINGS FOR THIS CHARACTER," and then he went all "I worshipped her with the volcanic ardour of eighteen."

I'm too tired for that kind of intensity. I got some stuff I wanna watch on youtube.

But for reals. FOR REALS. Count Fosco's narrative was the best. Even though it doesn't have Mr Fairlie's "What have I to do with her bosom?" Best Question Ever in it, it's narrated by the Perpetual Arch-Master of the Rosicrucian Masons of Mesopotamia, and that's all I need.

Fosco is well aware of our feelings for him.

We started this novel a suspicious group of people talking about a man with a giant forehead. Now I think I would've joined Wilkie's little weirdo harem back in the day, just so he and I could fangirl Marian and I could make him write a novella from Mr Fairlie's POV.

"The best men are not consistent in good — why should the worst men be consistent in evil?"

Ugh so great. I just want this whole post to be GIFs about how I feel about the book. Example:

Wilkie re-introduces Pesca. PESCA! And he's all "I don't know if you remembe—" and I was like "OF COURSE I REMEMBER HIM DO NOT INSULT HIM BY THINKING HE COULD BE FORGOTTEN." And then they went to the opera, even if it was an opera noooo one does anymore, and Fosco redeemed himself in my eyes completely by being RESPECTFUL OF THE SINGERS — TAKE NOTE, AMERICA. Sure, he disinherited a girl and had her put in a madhouse, but HE CLAPPED AT THE RIGHT TIMES. And then he talked about how much he loves Marian. So. Fosco's a-ok in my book.

The ONLY THING I can't figure out is why he married the Countess. WHY. I mean, he's all "It's great having a lady to be all worshipful of me" but she...I'm SURE he could have had his pick of a decent number of ladies. It just seems weird.

Anne was NOT the Count's daughter, which I'd ended up hoping because that would add a whole layer of psychological shit, but this is all right because we got a weirdass plot involving Secret Societies and I was all "Hey, Da Vinci Code" but then not because POLITICAL and then A MAN WITH A SCAR was there and then it was Da Vinci Codeish again, because identifying a dude based on one characteristic (albino!) is all the rage. 

I'm fine with Walter and Laura getting married and the three of them living in their little commune. At LEAST it's different from Dickens. And I love Dickens. I really, really do, but he always does the same things, and there's really no way in a billion years (maybe in a billion) that he'd write female characters anywhere near as awesome as Marian. He wrote Bella Wilfer and then he "put her in her place." Asshole.

I can finish this with nothing but sadness, camp buddies. April is over, and with it, our Monday reading posts (or...Tuesday to Friday for some of us). I shall pack up my sunscreen and bug repellent, only to leave them in my bag for a year and find them when I start packing again. Does sunscreen expire? Probably. Damnit.

And now all I can tell you is to go to 8:20 of this vid. I don't think you need sound. The visual is enough.

Goodbye, Woman in White. We shall never forget you.

Spittoons and Hilarious Gothic Novels

I seem to now have a chest cold, and my best friend told me there's this thing called an expectorant, which automatically made me think of this:

Fun story that might be made up, the 1918 influenza outbreak caused spittoons to decline tremendously in popularity. And then apparently everyone started chewing gum (and then sticking it under things, because then the germs are hiding and can't gitcha).

The Woman in White readalong is almost done (next Monday!), and of course my mind is already in end-of-summer-camp mode and going "WE NEED TO PREPARE FOR NEXT YEAR CAMP BUDDIES." Only by next year, I mean like July. 

I was thinking The Monk, because it's the greatest book of all time (ok, I've read 20% of it -- thanks Kindle! -- but that 20% is the greatest book of all time). But then, I don't know how many people have already read it and don't want to read it again. But HOW could you not want to read it again? It has demon nuns. And all sorts of things that make you go

But then eventually you kind of ARE expecting it, because everything is contained in that book.
The Monk in July?

p.s. OH YEAH, this one has actual potential ghosts in it. And deflowering of people. And general Gothic overdoneness. SO GOOD.

Rachel Maddow Needs to Be My Next Door Neighbor

The readathon was this weekend, and while I sadly AGAIN COULD NOT PARTICIPATE (remember that one time I could, but I was still out of town at my parents', so I really just read Winnie the Pooh and went out to lunch?), it was because I was in Milwaukee with my very awesome internet friend Kory, seeing Rachel Maddow be amazing.

Speaking very briefly of internet friends, are they not swell? I think I've had like two awkward experiences of real life encounters with them out of a zillion (if you grew up on Livejournal, you eventually meet basically everyone on your friends list, or "flist" as the cool kids called it).

With Maddow, you see her show and perhaps think, 'Surely her articulate wittiness is the result of a teleprompter.' BUT NO. She was off-the-cuff hilarious, and used 'morass' in a throwaway sentence, which I died over but by which my mother (whom I told later) refused to be impressed ("People I know use that word all the time" -- no, they don't, Mom).

How can you not want to hear about the
unmooring of American military power
from this woman?

The tickets came with a copy of her book, which is something I would probably otherwise avoid reading, despite my Maddow love. I read about things that took place in 1915 or earlier. If there are no fun hats, I am not on board. HOWEVER. After hearing Maddow speak about the issues in her book (mainly how disconnected the military has become from the American people and how it has been made easier to start wars in recent times, as opposed to harder), I am reading Drift with alacrity.

And it's interesting. It's engaging, and despite some re-reading of phrases like "chairman of the Senate Armed Services Committee," it's easy to follow. And she talks about military contractors! Which is something actually worth reading about! 

The Daily Show with Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Rachel Maddow
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor & Satire Blog The Daily Show on Facebook

I feel like if you watch her talk about it, it's way more persuasive than what I can say. Espeeeecially since I'm only like 20 pages in. Also Jon Stewart! Hilarity! Irish setter impressions!

Addressing the subject line, if Maddow were my neighbor, she would take her of course ample free time and have cocktail parties and we would all go to plays and borrow sugar from each other and OH, the '50sness of it all.

The Woman in White: The Beginning of the Endening

Oh, Woman in White. What shall we do when you're gone? As always:

So, when Hartright was first trying to figure out Sir Percival's Really Big Secret, my mind went haywire and basically guessed EVERYTHING, including a scenario where he was the father of Anne and Laura, who were twins and therefore it was MEGA-GROSS he married Laura for her money, what with her being his illegitimate (probably) daughter and all, but then I was like "Maybe the news of his wife/ladyfriend Mrs. Catherick being pregnant is what gave him his loss-of-hair/exposed forehead issue. So that little mystery's solved."

But probably not. And then we finally find out THE REALLY BIG SECRET, and because I was skimming when I read it, being AGAIN BEHIND, I was kind of like "Oh, really? Ok." I need my mind to shut up and stop guessing what's going to happen, because then I get attached to my own jumped-to conclusions and then the actual thing is like "Oh. I see."

So let's ignore the plot again and talk about characters and Bigger Issues, because I don't care so much about plot.

Something I neglected to address last week, but which seems important in terms of redeeming Wilkie from my Week 1 irritation over the first sentence (which is, if we need a memory refresh, "This is the story of what a Woman's patience can endure and what a Man's resolution can achieve," bleah). WHAT does Marian say when she hears about Laura's bruise?

"I want to see it, Laura, because our endurance must end, and our resistance must begin to-day."

Oh, WHAT WAS THAT? I refuse to accept that as a coincidence, despite the billion words in this book ensuring that some will be repeated. No. "Our endurance must end, and our resistance must begin to-day." Marian Halcombe is so badass and such an advanced character for her time I cannot even handle it. WILKIE WHAT ARE YOU TELLING US?

Moving on to Mr. Fairlie and the brief narrative of his we're blessed with. He is an ass, and I am an invalid. Pretty much everything he says is amazing, and I would watch a tv show about him and Louis. Oh, for more of Mr. Fairlie.

And Hartright steps up his game. Wow. Right away he's this changed, decisive, non-wimp, which I fully appreciate, even if he does still act like an ass sometimes. And there's the constant "Oh whoops, I probably should have done this before doing this other thing, but I didn't think of it, oh well." That happens like FIVE TIMES and they're all important times. Like, honestly, you didn't think about how Fosco would have the lawyer's office watched? I thought about it, and it's not a matter of possible life and death for me. But there's also stuff like:

I had first learnt to use this stratagem against suspected treachery in the wilds of Central America.

And that's just damned attractive.

I'm kind of pissed he keeps calling Laura "faded," but he's being a stand-up guy regarding her, so whatevs. S'all good. I love everyone in this Victorian mystery bar.

The reading for this next week shouldn't confuse anyone. Assignment = finish the book. Just...read until there's none left.

P.S. ADDENDUM. I am an idiot and forgot to say "ASGLKHFDJS MARIAN BROKE LAURA OUT OF AN INSANE ASYLUM." And the way it's written, it's all matter of fact, because Hartright's writing it, but DUDE SHE DID THAT. Oh Marian. You are the best ever.

Of Kleenex and Bears

Do y'all remember that episode of Malcolm in the Middle where Malcolm's mom gets sick, and he's like "She is basically an impenetrable fortress when it comes to germs, so when one does somehow get through, it's a doozy"? Yes, of course you do. Because you are self-respecting people and have seen s1 of Malcolm. ("My mom says tv makes you stupid." "No, tv makes you normal!")

All this to say, after being mightily full of myself and not getting sick, on Tuesday I got sick. And am still woozily battling it out. But I think I'm unfeverish/uninsane enough today to update, and at least apologize for not answering some people's comments after I got all up on my high horse on Tuesday about other people not doing that on their blogs. I WILL DO IT.

SICK ALICE NEEDS NO REASON FOR GIFS

I'm basically done with The Sisters Brothers, and it's the best thing I've read this year. I HIGHLY RECOMMEND you go get it. The writing's just kind of objectively good, and while I'm not usually a reader of ye olde Western (that's what the genre's called, right?), everything about it made me want to keep reading. And do you know how short people's attention spans are tod--ooh, orange juice. (see what I did there?)

It's about these two brothers who're hired gun-types, and when the story picks up they're going from Oregon City (hey, that's a place!) to San Francisco to kill a guy. And oh, the side adventures they have along the way! They're maybe not so much adventures as detours, but they're all awesome, and there are NUMEROUS bears in the book.

What I'm saying is, it's pretty great.

It alternates too between moments of sheer poignancy (I resolved to lose twenty-five pounds of fat and to write her a letter of love and praises, that I might improve her time on the earth with the devotion of another human being), with dialogue like:

‘He describes his inaction and cowardice as laziness,’ Charlie said. 

‘And with five men dead,’ I said, ‘he describes our overtaking his riches as easy.’ 

‘He has a describing problem,’ said Charlie. 

I would hug this book if I didn't mostly read it on my computer. I might buy a print edition just to hug it.

Tips for New Bloggers? *cracks knuckles in a non-threatening way*

I'm afraid everyone's going to be dreadfully repetitive for this week's Top Ten Tuesday, hosted by The Broke and the Bookish. And most of it'll probably be the same as dating advice. Top Ten Tips for New Book Bloggers? I'll say right now I probably don't have ten. I will, however, counter/offer a caveat  for some of the examples you'll see on most blogs.

Let's do this

1. Be yourself. - Oh, really? Because a lot of blogs I've seen where people are being themselves involve sparkly black backgrounds, neon text, and a font size that probably resides in the 20s. Those people should not be themselves. They should be other people. My advice in this area is actually to look at blogs where you see them and say 'I feel like I could show this to someone I admire and not be embarrassed by the formatting.'

On the other hand, if you only want to be friends with people who like neon text and giant fonts, feel free to say "hey, fuck you, Alice" and begin your search for a banner with an avatar of yourself on it.

2. Comment on other blogs. - Okay, this is actually good advice. It can be disheartening at first, because a decent number of blog runners do not love comment discussion, comme moi, so then HOW do they get to know you when you're obviously awesome? Well, you can't make them. And if time goes by and they keep not checking out your blog, leave 'em be. There're other awesome people who'll check you out. And they will find you through #3.

3. Do. memes. - And not just any meme, although pretty much any meme'll bring people to your blog. Find some that seem to have a smaller audience than like, Crazy for Books' and that appeal to you. I found a lot of truly awesome blogs through the Literary Blog Hop over at The Blue Bookcase. I did a Dickens blog tour last year that was pretty awesome, too. Diversify, people.

4. Don't ONLY do memes - This is boring. Stop it.

5. The Chain Principle works - This is a principle I just made up, because I don't want to research what it's really called. Find ONE blog you love, and you're set. Because then you see who they follow, and who those people follow, etc (don't start dragging out 'whom' on me -- it's awkward). Most people have a blogroll. Check them out.

6. Get on Twitter - Blogging friendships are solidified on twitter. True, it's only 140 characters per message, but you will meet people who can be fricking hilarious with 140 characters, and that is a blessing, my friend. If you're still somehow mired in the Paleolithic Age opinion that twitter is just people writing about what they're eating, stop. Stop right now, get a twitter account, and start following people (in a non-literal way, Creepy). Also read this book.

7. Book Review formatting - Ok, this is touchy, because it's a matter of personal preference, but when I see a review that breaks things down into a points system or is just attempting to be seriously analytical about a book, I most of the time skip it. If I want a formal review, I'll check out some reputable publication (note: I don't, and I don't). What I look for in a review is a hopefully funny/insightful few paragraphs with a recommendation to read or not read, plus a quote from the book. Quotes are mostly what sell it to me.

DONE.

Oh yeah, p.s. Turn off comment verification. For the love of God, turn off comment verification.

The Woman in White: Mice, Pocket-Axes and Very Fat Men

SO MANY THINGS ABOUT THIS BOOK.

So, I skimmed the last 50 pages of the reading (if you haven't read the four pages or so past what I idiotically assigned, you should, because REVELATION), because I'm behind and I have to go to bed. But I THOROUGHLY read the rest. Let's dive right into week 2 (or 3, depending on if you count How Large Is Wilkie's Forehead week).

WHAT HAPPENED? So much happened. SO MUCH. No one likes Sir Percival, but they can't figure out why, then Laura's all "I shall forswear my love, because that is accurate to the duties of the time period, and therefore let Fate do with me what it will!" So she marries Sir Percival Glyde (ewwww his name) and Marian's all "Noooooo!" even though it's pretty much her fault (more Mr. Fairlie's, but let's ignore him), and then they skip six months, which I WAS NOT EXPECTING and she's like "Yeah, nothing really happened during those months," so I guess I'm glad she skipped them, but STILL, and then she moves to Blackwater, the worst named house ever.

So things get interesting then, right? Laura stops being all meek, and the obvious stand-out from the cast shows up, the amazing Count Fosco and his tiny mice. Wilkie knew what he was on about. He hung around the theatah. "How can I make an interesting characte — hah, I don't need to ask you. Small mice, big fat guy, colorful waistcoats. Memorable." There's stuff with Anne Catherick, Laura steps up as a character, Marian is worried ALL THE TIME but is also diggin' Count Fosco while being kind of gay about her half-sister (THAT'S RIGHT I JUST RUINED VICTORIAN ROMANTIC FRIENDSHIPS).

And then Sir Percival tries to steal all of Laura's money. Which the annotations inform me is his anyway and Wilkie somehow didn't realize that British dudes always got their wives' money until like 1882. What's up, Wilkie?

Ok, so onto the minute points, which are what I really care about. I like Laura now, because strangely enough, when she's described by someone who's not claiming an ardent passion for her, she's way more interesting and seems like a person. The fact that she hides the music she played for Hartright? LOVED. So angsty. So great. And when she throws down the pen and refuses to sign? Yesssss.

Marian is adorable and awesome and hilarious (more so in Hartright's section, as this part has all been Very Dramatic and Angsty) and sooo Victorian. And she says awesome things like "More discoveries in the inexhaustible mine of Sir Percival's virtues." And the DOG. She made a hammock out of her skirt and carried the wounded dog all the way back to the house! Mariaaaaaan!

She ALSO says things like "What is the trifling mortification of my pride compared to the dreadful sacrifice of your happiness?" Why don't we talk like that now, damnit.

I kept taking notes throughout the section about how the scenes with Laura and Marian could NOT have been written by Dickens. And I mean...they couldn't. It's completely refreshing to read scenes of genuine emotional depth that aren't just written to make a Victorian audience cry, but rather to show true friendship and the humanity of the characters. When Dickens has two young women cry, you know somewhere he's thinking 'What a pretty picture this is.' The scene with Laura and Marian in the boathouse when Marian turns insensible upon realizing what her actions have cost the person dearest to her is fantastic. Just her staring ahead in shock far surpasses what Dickens does with his female characters, with the POSSIBLE exception of Esther Summerson in Bleak House (but even Esther's a bit too good to be true much of the time).

Marian's fever dream. How about that. AND I find it completely awesome that the South is portrayed as cheerless compared to the comforting North. Like "Oh, I miss the enlivening moors." Who else has ever said that? No one. I love this book.

Oh, p.s., Sir Percival has a pocket-axe. What? And not that I was looking, but NC-17 fanfic DOES exist for this book. Yeah. That.

Use Your Clicky Finger to Vote

Ok, it's the Book Blogger Awards or something on Goodreads. Oh yeah, this is me on Goodreads. It's like my blog, but more boring!

Because this is a Friday afternoon throwaway post, I'm gonna give you some awesome internet things before the voting button so you can remember why you're here. Prepare yourselves.

Vote for me.

Vote for this blog for the Independent Book Blogger Awards!
Vote

We Shall Soldier Through Friday the 13th and Emerge Stronger Individuals

Since I am not able to do Dewey's Readathon this spring (curse you, conflicting events!), I think I'm going to do a mini one on my own this Sunday. And oh, I am excited. There will be prizes! For me. And challenges! For me. And snacks! That I would share, but you all live so far away. 

I'll probably end up reading 30 pages of The Woman in White and call it a day. ONWARD!

My church's book group, which we somewhat cultishly call People of the Book, met last night to discuss the first half of How the Irish Saved Civilization. This book kicks ass. True, I am halfway through and he only just got to the Irish and not so much to them but more St Patrick, but it's one of those books that's like "LET ME SUMMARIZE HUGE SWATHS OF HISTORY IN A COUPLE AMUSING SENTENCES." And he's so SMART but interesting and he got me to read Plato and learn more about Augustine (we all know who Augustine is?) and now I want to read the Táin. I don't know if anything else could've made me want to read that. 

For those who are poor uninformed saps like I was yesterday, the Táin is kind of an early Irish epic about cattle rustling. It has kickass characters like Queen Medb (...pronounced 'Maeve') and asshole characters like Conchobar (pronounced 'Connor.' obviously.) and I don't understand Gaelic but thank GOD Thomas Kinsella did an awesome translation of it into English.

Early Irish culture seems to have been much, much kinder to women than most of its European/English contemporaries. There's a parallel to the old "you complete these tasks and you can marry the girl" story, only in the Irish version, the girl herself gives the hero the tasks. The aforementioned Queen Medb is one of the most fleshed-out characters I've read in epic literature, and it's only later it seems that women got so relatively circumscribed (damn you, Augustinian Church!).

Finally, for your Friday the 13th edification, here's Sue Perkins reading a book. Or looking cheekily at the camera, rather.

WHAT IS SHE READING I MUST KNOW

edit: Shelf Actualization (yeah, I'm naming you by your blog name) has found what book it is -- The Day of the Triffids by John Wyndham. Wikipedia informs me 'John Wyndham' is his pen-name, because his REAL name is John Wyndham Parkes Lucas Beynon Harris. Yeah. Pen-name NEEDED, sir.

When Cover-Judging Backfires

A while back, I was reading a book called The Celtic Realms. Unfortunately, it seems to assume the person reading it has some kind of a background in Celtic studies. I do not, of course, so instead of reading about fun Druid sacrifice things (I don't care if that's inaccurate; it's automatically what I think of) there're sections like: 

The fortifications have been classified in two main categories: first the great hill-top fortifications of Celtic Iron Age A; and second the Belgic-type fortresses of later pattern but sometimes in contemporary use with the first type.

Let's try to tackle that, yes? The Iron Age in the British Isles, according to Wikipedia, was from the 5th century BC to 400 AD. Okay. Now what on earth is Belgic? My obvious first thought was having to do with Belgium, but why would the Celts build fortresses in the style of Belgians? Especially since Belgium didn't exist then. Ah-ha, but Wikipedia again has the answer. Belgium was named for the Belgae, and the *Belgae* were a Celtic group. It's all comin' together now. As for "Iron Age A"...apparently the Iron Age is divided into letters, and if you're reading a book on "The History and the Culture of the Celtic Peoples from Pre-History to the Norman Invasion," apparently they expect you to know this. I just thought the cover looked cool.

Old People Are Hilarious and the Irish Save Things

Omg. Omg. This is the best thing of today/maybe this week (courtesy of my brother's amazing friend Randy):

Old People Writing On a Restaurant's Facebook Page
I love the internet. What'd people do before it? Probably churned butter or something. Or whittled.

I'm still pretty damn excited about Woman in White, mainly because it's GREAT. If you're doing the readalong, I advise you start the next section soon if you haven't already, as it's a little longer than the previous one. I was so behind Easter weekend I had to read at Second City. "EXCUSE ME, PEOPLE TRYING TO DO COMEDY, but I am trying to read about mysterious Victorian ladies."

My church's small group is reading How the Irish Saved Civilization (did I mention that? I think I've mentioned that) and now that WiW day is over, I was able to actually start it, and DUDE it is kickass. Because the author's like "I'm going to use words like 'pusillanimous' that you have to look up but I'm also going to write in an EXTREMELY ACCESSIBLE FASHION and hey, people have treated the Irish like shit, but this is why they're awesome and saved your ass and let you have the internet you were extolling so highly earlier."

I've found myself genuinely looking forward to reading more. And it is SO SHORT. So far it's mainly talking about why Rome fell and how Edward Gibbon lived in 1776 and not in Winston Churchill's time like I'd previously thought. Fine then. Also Ausonius apparently sucks.

There is seldom any necessary information to be communicated, insights are scarce, and genuine emotion is almost entirely absent. Though his effete contemporaries compared Ausonius to Virgil and Cicero, practically all others have found themselves in agreement with the robust opinion of Gibbon: "The poetical fame of Ausonius condemns the taste of his age."

SLAM. You just got served, Ausonius. You might've been consul back in the day, but nowadays a 20something girl makes fun of you in a post alongside Doctor Who gifs.

Woman in White: Things Get Whiter (wait...)

Ok. Today is not only the fantastic best-posts-ever (I'm sure) day for Woman in White, but IT IS ALSO LAURA FROM DEVOURING TEXTS' BIRTHDAYYYYY. Hey Laura, remember this gif? This is for you:

May all the baby polar bear tickling be yours
on this special day

NOW. Woman in White. Daaaaaaaamn, right?

Ok, so first of all -- VINDICATED. WE HAVE ALL BEEN VINDICATED BY THAT LITTLE BOY WHOSE NAME I FORGOT. Wait -- Jacob Postlethwaite! Bless you, Jacob Postlethwaite, ye probable receiver of corporal punishment. Because what does he say? "Eh!--but I saw t'ghaist" -- BAM. This is why we thought this. Because when anyone sees a woman all in white, the automatic thought is 'GHOST TIME.'

I'm reading the Penguin edition (I think -- it's at home) and it has tons of annotations, which is a state of affairs both helpful and annoying. The only one I want to mention is this reference to Wilkie Collins hating corsets: 

Marian goes against the mid-Victorian fashion for restrictive corsetry, which Collins despised. Collins confessed these proclivities to his friend, the photographer Sarony: 'I too think the back view of a finely formed woman the loveliest view, and her hips the more precious part of that view.'

You guys. Wilkie Collins finds the back view of a woman the loveliest view. I will never cease to find this hilarious.

What does the preface say? "An experiment is attempted in this novel, which has not (so far as I know) been hitherto tried in fiction. The story of the book is told throughout by the characters of the book." Oh, you're welcome, GEORGE R.R. MARTIN. But to be honest, I somehow don't think I REALLY believed he was going to do it until I was nearing the end of Hartright's section. I've never, ever read a Victorian novel that did that, so my mind kept being like "Okey dokey, so this is Hartright, and he's kind of a tool in a nice guy way, and I'm gonna be with him for the rest of the book." BUT NO. I'm overly excited about seeing things from other perspectives.

Getting back to a more linear reviewy thing (by the way, do I need to say these posts are all going to be spoilerrific? do I? really? fine), let's talk through Hartright's section:

How does this book start? This is the story of what a Woman's patience can endure, and what a Man's resolution can achieve. Hey, fuck you, Victorian era. Let's take a moment and delve into passivity and activity and gender roles (just kidding, because this post won't be boring).

So I wasn't thrilled with the beginning, BUT THEN a tiny Italian man named Professor Pesca was introduced, who apparently is based on Dante Gabriel Rossetti's father, Gabriel Rossetti, and he is hilarious and made me begin to love ze book. "A Mamma, fair and fat; three young Misses, fair and fat; two young Misters, fair and fat; and a Papa, the fairest and the fattest of all."

He's swell. AND I love Hartright's sister Sarah, with her muttering over teacups. And I love Marian. MARIAAAAAAAAAAN!

Oh, Marian Halcombe. I'm pretty sure we're all going to sing your praises this morning, but LET MINE BE THE LOUDEST. Because DUDE. She is funny. She is smart. And she's apparently physically perfect in all ways but her face (shut up, Hartright). The fact that Hartright falls in love with Laura Fairlie is fine by me, because NO ONE IS GOOD ENOUGH FOR MARIAN. Maybe Will Ladislaw. But he's Dorothea's, so we shall leave that alone. But fo' reals, Victorian men suck, because this was the choice: "grace, wit, and high breeding" or "beauty, gentleness, and simple truth." And of course he chooses the -- I'm sure very nice -- milksop.
Oh, you know who could do for Marian? Rhett Butler. I mean, who knows if she'd receive him, because he isn't received in Charleston and she seems to be a bit mired in Victorian propriety, but OH WHAT AN EPIC LOVE THEY WOULD HAVE.
What I think is particularly appealing about her is she's so NOT what Dickens would write. Laura is exactly what Dickens would write, but he was seemingly incapable of writing a fleshed out female like Marian Halcombe (which we would all understand better if we'd watched that Sue Perkins/Catherine Dickens documentary I posted a while back).
Um. By the way. I think we should note something, because it struck me while reading: "Forty-five; and she was not yet twenty-one! Men of his age married wives of her age every day—and experience had shown those marriages to be often the happiest ones."
Yeah. And last week we all discovered Wilkie and Dickens were totes BFFs. And how old was Dickens in 1858, a year before this book began to be published AND the year he left his wife for Ellen Ternan? 46. How old was she? 19. Yeah. So that happened. I can just see Wilkie, brow creased with worry, holding his pen -- 'Everyone knows this is way nasty, but I can't insult my BFF. Then we wouldn't be BFFs.'
Although then of course, when HE was 44, he had a relationship with a 19-year-old. Ugh. Men, you're gross.
I realize this is getting overly long. AND I HAVE LEFT OUT HALF OF WHAT I WANTED TO SAY. Like about how Marian tells Hartright to avoid the cold ham at the breakfast table, but since it's just the two of them WHY IS THERE HAM THEN? And how her constant insults regarding women could possibly just be a hilarious way of preempting men from thinking those things. Since she's obviously awesome. And how Mrs. Vesey is compared to a cabbage and how that makes me kind of love Wilkie more.
Megs mentioned her edition is different than mine and doesn't have epochs. So be aware that the reading ends during Marian's narrative (DID I MENTION HOW EXCITED I AM THAT MARIAN GETS A NARRATIVE?) and the last sentence is "I had seen nothing and heard nothing which could lead me to suppose that my retreat had been discovered."

How very interesting! Next week we shall know what that means! 

Breakfast Club & Grouchiness

Remember when I used to post '80s music videos on Fridays? (ok, I did that twice) Today feels like that kind of day.

That vid is all kinds of amazing. I'm the slightest bit sad I wasn't really cognizant for the '80s. The main thing I remember from then would be Pound Puppies. And My Little Ponies. So really the cultural movers and shakers of the decade.

Let's quickly delve into social niceties, shall we? (yes) Ok. This is never the correct way this should go:

Person 1: How're you?

Person 2: Oh, pretty exhausted.

Person 1: Oh, yeah, me too.

....see what happened there? The conversation just dead-ended.

This can also be applied to the "Oh man, I'm so overwhelmed with stuff" "Oh, me too" exchange. As human beings, one of our evolutionary goals is to be less focused on the self and more concerned with our fellow man. True, our current self-focused age kind of sucks ass at that, but we should still make an EFFORT. In the above, you ask someone how they are, they tell you and then you make it about you -- which is bad. All people want in that case is something like "Oh, that sucks." At best, because people like talking about themselves (obviously), it can be "Oh, boo, why?"

You notice how there is more ranting when I am grouchy? I don't think this is surprising.

That'll be the day.

I'm like 20 pages into The Woman in White, i.e. I'm way behind, but I REALLY like it so far. The first page there were raised eyebrows and quizzical looks, but then there was general laughter and intrigue. Everyone keeps going on about Marian being awesome, so I'm just kinda waiting for her to show up. Also I keep looking at the massiveness of the book and going HOW SHALL WE DO IT but then I look at my lovely breakdown of the pages and think IT IS POSSIBLE, so all will be well.

Westerns and Regency Ladies, Plus My Terrible Knowledge of Geography

I usually like to give people a mid-week blogging break, and that usually happens on Wednesday, but people like having more stuff in their feed, right? Totally. Plus I feel like updating.

In typical obsessive fashion, I've gone from dismissing opera singer Diana Damrau as "some Czech dramatic soprano" (I'm totes not anti-Czech -- ahoj!) to buying four of her operas on DVD (see other blog). So that's happening. Oh, and she's not Czech, she's German. I think I confused her with Elīna Garanča. Who also isn't Czech; she's Latvian, but it's closer? Linguistically? I'm gonna stop now.

This is the part of my life you don't normally see, people. Be glad.

I started The Sisters Brothers, and DAMN that is a well-crafted book. Based on the first like ten pages. I wasn't expecting to like it, because Western-type books with gruff men whose closest relationships are with their ponies don't quite tally with my love of books that have characters named Winifred Whiffgussit and humorous tea parties, but this seems to be excellent.

Accurate representation of today

I'm also still reading The Secret Diaries of Miss Anne Lister,  which has gems like:

Went to Mr Knight’s & sat ½ hour. Mentioning my despair of getting on with my studies, he proposed my giving up altogether the thought of pursuing them. This, I did not think it necessary to dissemble, I scouted entirely.

and 

My aunt, unable to keep her feet, slid down on her honourable part, Marian ditto, & we all laughed exceedingly.

She also spends a bit of time in love with a Miss Brown, who is an idiot.

She told me she walked a great deal in the garden and she liked it by moonlight for it made her melancholy. She owned to being a little romantic and said she admired a little romance in people.

Miss Brown is like Catherine Morland, only not awesome and hilarious. Instead she spends her time asking Anne why she won't call ("it is my place to offer the thing, not hers to ask it"), which Anne will not do because Miss Brown is middle class and Anne is A LITTLE ABOVE THAT, thank you very much.

Also, apparently in 1818 it took HOURS to put new paper lining in your traveling trunk. Good to know.

Blogging and TALKING About Blogging (oh how meta)

I've had this thing for over a year now. Shall we hearken back to those early days? Brontes vs Sea Turtles, essays on why you should shut up about the Kindle ruining reading, and days when I just posted internet-generated memes saying what kind of book I was. Days we're all well shut of. These were accompanied by various moany emails to friends such as:

Looking at too many book blogs makes one frustrated with everyone ever. Although I later decided I was being judgmental and horrible and who was I to decide what inspired people in their lives, and maybe they needed the help of a Jodi Picoult or a Chicken Noodle Soup for the Blah Blah Soul.

But, as is the case with most populated areas, you have to wade through a lot of shit (wait...eww) and when you find one blessed floating door like the one Kate Winslet clings to in Titanic (a movie soon to become relevant again!), you get on and cling to it while singing a jaunty but contextually poignant song, and then get picked up by the RMS Carpathia where you adopt a new identity using the last name of your dead lover. Only here, the door is a worthwhile book blog, and it leads you to the ship that is other good blogs. And the new identity...something to do with gifs?

So, if you're early on in your bloggingness, or you wish to think back on that time the way a pioneer family might on the first days of their homesteading, then here y'go. And for the former, IT GETS BETTER (I'm allowed to make a joke out of that, right? no? bad taste?). You will find little blogging buddies and you will all get on twitter together and oh, what fun you shall have. Because there seems to be a corner of the blogging globe for everyone (we get Australia, because it has kangaroos). 

So after much, much, much wading, you will find a warm, sunny place where people are who ALSO think that the latest Chelsea Handler book was the greatest and who wish to discuss it. And that will be in an area sans kangaroos.

The Woman in White: The Beginnining

You think the title of the post is a typo, but it is not.

THE WOMAN IN WHITE APRIL READALONG HAS BEGUN.


Today is the day we discuss our preconceptions and how ridiculous we think Wilkie Collins is.
As mentioned in the sign-up post, I thought this was a ghost story for basically forever. Because it sounds like one. When is there ever an ALIVE "Woman in White"? Lady in Red, I'll grant you. I quote from an obviously completely reputable website called "Bizarre Bytes": Many, many, MANY cultures have a White Lady figure in their mythology.  In medieval times in England, The White Lady would act as a harbinger of death – appearing night and day in a home where someone is about to die.
So just to beat this putrefying horse further into the ground (aww), it sounds like there should be a ghost, and I am put out about this. But enough people have said "OMG WOMAN IN WHITE I ENJOYED IT SO" that it is ok.

Wilkie Collins. I look on him with suspicion because he was BFFs with Dickens, and because of his great big bushy beard and giant forehead. BUT, all this is obviously him as a person. I actually expect to fully enjoy his writing. I mean, look, Dickens was a tool, but he was a hilarious tool.
Not knowing ANYTHING about the plot other than that there's apparently a big fat man played by Michael Crawford in the musical version is a bit exciting, as so much of the time we know the whole plot of Victorian novels before reading them due to their pervasiveness in the culture. Maybe people in the UK are more up on Collins, but he's definitely not completely mainstream here.
The reading schedule is here, and for NEXT MONDAY, we're doing the Preface through Chapter XV, the End of Hartright's Narrative. If you're at the end of someone else's narrative, you're in the wrong spot.
Meanwhile, who is Hartright? Is it a dude? It sounds like a dude. Will we like him? Oh, I kind of hope not.
And for those of you NOT doing the readalong and for whom this post was therefore a bit not-quite-completely-awesome, here's some more Jennifer Lawrence for you:

Teenagers Are Idiots

Journal Entry at age 16:

I'm not sure I want to read more of Edith Wharton's books, but I feel like she's a very good author and I would go to the library or bookstore and get all her stuff if she weren't so depressing!

I want to pat my former self on the head and go "You no talk more about books." I even used the fatal exclamation point. "The Exclamation Point: Guaranteed to make anything placed before it sound lame."'

This is the same self who wrote at 17 about Les Misérables: "Poor Fantine! I mean, I don't want to sound stupid, but this book's sad! :)"

Yeah. I wrote a smiley face. At myself.

Damn you, teenage years.

Jennifer Lawrence gifs make everything better