Lady Audley's Secret, The Finishening: "The vice of heartlessness became the virtue of constancy" and other 'Ooooh' phrases

What happened? Lady Audley's crazy except not, Robert basically wasted a BUNCH of time because George is terrible, and everyone's happy at the end except Alicia (poor Alicia).

But you guys...is Lady Audley's Secret...the gayest novel ever?

the dark brown eyes that were so like the eyes of his lost friend.

"You was oncommon fond of that gent as disappeared at the Court, warn't you, sir?" he said at last.
Robert started at the mention of his dead friend.
"You was oncommon fond of that Mr. Talboys, I've heard say, sir," repeated Luke.

AND THE ENDING. OMG THE ENDING. All I have for my Kindle note is "ahahahahahahaha." Not ONLY is everything basically the happiest at the end, but George and Robert and Clara are living together. It's like Victorian Noel Coward and I cannot even handle it. Mary Elizabeth Braddon, I bet 50 bucks you had a lot of gay dude friends and this was for them. This was their Brokeback Mountain. Except way better, because there're meerschaum pipes and French novels.

"I just like thinking about your brown eyes."

George, by the way, is not into it. He's totally the James Potter in this James/Sirius situation. Biggest George burn? "If your friendship could have done me any good, I would have appealed to it."

Not ok, George

There's a whole lot that could be gone into re this book. If we were in an English class together, I would be the SUPER-annoying girl raising her hand in a condescending way and talking about Victorians, madwomen in attics, and the overall lack of female autonomy in 19th century society. As it actually stands:

hahaha words and pictures

But seriously, this book was not that good. It had Moments, but most books have moments? I loved Clara, but she is the most transparent Acceptable Female Version of a Dude I've ever seen. What I really want and am really really really sad never happened is a sequel where George actually went to Australia (make up your MIND, George) and Robert and Clara actually do go searching for him. You know who Robert and Clara could be? They could be like Rick and Evie in The Mummy movies. But with more lying idly on the surface of a frozen fishpond, waiting for someone to pick him up (remember when that happened?).

How do people feel about Lady Audley being shut up forever for her own good? She was kind of, y'know, evil. But there's been so much in recent years about 19th century ladies being locked up just because some dudes decided they were crazy that I'm now completely reactionary about it. And her husband was all "Oh yeah, never tell me what you did with her." OMG THAT IS A PERSON. 

Finally, I'm not tellin' you all that there's unfinished Sherlock/Lady Audley's Secret fic, but there is.

GOOD READALONG, Y'ALL. Our minds and GIF folders are all the richer for it.