Reading Rambo

THE TIME HAS COME. Some of you have not read Bleak House . Which is a silly state of affairs, because it is the greatest. SO. In the dreary month of February (and also half of March), we shall read (or re-read) Charles Dickens's best novel! And it will be the funnest and full of overly emotional GIFs and OH how excited I am. Posts are on Tuesdays and start February 4th. We'll skip intro posts and just jump right in with a schedule I will post later in the month, possibly here.  SIGN-UP BELOW; BE THERE OR BE SQUARE THIS IS GOING TO BE SUPER-FUN BECAUSE I LOVE THIS BOOK MORE THAN CHIPMUNKS LOVE RAISINS. February 4th - Chapters I through XI February 11th - Chapters XII through XXI February 18th - Chapters XXII through XXXII February 25th - Chapters XXXIII through XXXIX March 4th - Chapters XL through XLVIII March 11th - Chapters XLIX through LV March 18th - LVI through LXVII

The day is here. The time is now. HARRY POTTER READALONG TIME. I realized yesterday I didn't post a schedule, because Alley asked for one and nope, wasn't there, but I WILL POST ONE. Like on Sunday or something. Just know we're doing book 1 in two weeks, posts on Fridays, so next Friday'll be the first half and whatever you want to talk about related to it. We're allowed to reference future events, because if you don't want things spoiled for you, you should've read the series sooner, you wretched human being. So. I'm Alice. I live in Chicago. I receptionize/sing operatic things/wish I could be looking for proof of the Mothman. I first encountered Harry Potter on vacation with my family in 1999, when a mysteeerious old man started walking next to me as I read, asked what I was reading, and then mentioned some new series I might be interested in about a boy who finds out he's a wizard. I read the first book in the car on the way to Niagara Falls ...

There're gonna be spoilers here. Because it's the end of the book. But first I would LIKE to say that due to being exposed to the stomach flu this weekend, my yesterday and today have been particularly fever- and sore muscle-ridden. I'm probably going to be blunter than usual in this post. Couple that with an unfortunately nasty text I received on the way to work, and my day was not looking too spiffy this morning, UNTIL I got to work and found this in the mail: Thank you, Laura . Your timing was perfect. So basically, book bloggers are the best and I love you all. What I did NOT particularly love was probably this book. There are definitely certain chapters I would read again and again, because it's Steinbeck and he's lovely, but there's just SO MUCH of his upsetness woven in here that I can't see it as much other than a desperate plea for people not to be assholes. And that's great. But I don't know that it can make for the best l...

GRAPES OF WRATH. Man, that beginning part was rough, huh? Hosted by  Laura at Devouring Texts Ok, Imma need to look at East of Eden  again, but that was 1952, and this was 1939. And it shows. I feel like this was written much more from a The Jungle , I'm-going-to-MAKE-you-all-sympathize-with-these-people standpoint. I mean, it's a million times better than The Jungle , 'cause that book is shit and this is Steinbeck, but he's got at least a bit of that, and it bugs me. Not a huge amount, because he's starting to fix it (for now), but enough. CHAPTER SUMMARIES. Mixin' it up. One. SO MUCH DUST AHHHH IT'S EVERYWHERE TAKE COVER IN THE COMMUNITY CENTER. Two. Tom Joad is young and was in jail. Three. Four.  Tom meets a former preacher and also maybe humanity's all supposed to be one great social unit. If only there were an "ism" to go with that way of thinking. Five. Tractors are raping the land and knocking people's houses...

IT'S ON. Meaning it's Steinbeck time. But first, I want to briefly address Illinois and how flat it is. I don't know how it is in your all's places of living, but I don't realize how completely flat my state is until I visit anywhere with an inclined plane, and am all of a sudden like "...wait, what?" IT IS SO EASY TO WALK EVERYWHERE HERE. I feel like I need to shock myself by going hiking in Vermont or something. Anyway. STEINBECK. This month is the  Grapes of Wrath readalong , hosted by Laura. Laura is awesome, and this readalong is being done by many awesome people. If you want to join, you can. There will be many gifs to combat the apparent sadness of this book. The first post is always the pre-read ruminating post. Have I read Grapes  before? A resounding NAY is my answer. BUT have I read Steinbeck before and do I want to have his tiny babies who probably smoke and ponder humanity's potential while unable to express themselves in words other...

Sigh. Another month over, another readalong finished. But LET US NOT BE DOWNHEARTED. For Laura at Devouring Texts is going to host one for Grapes of Wrath in October, and all will be magical. Also sad. Very, very sad. Because Grapes of Wrath . But there will be gifs, and that's what really matters. First off. Wilkie. We would like to express our undying love and passion, but you're dead (like so many people in this book — and by the way, wtf, sir) and so all we can do is tell others of your mighty deeds. And by mighty deeds, I mean giving us the character of Gooseberry, aka OCTAVIUS GUY. This would be his business card I want a spinoff called The Further Adventures of Sergeant Cuff and Octavius Guy . And then there'll be ANOTHER spinoff when Cuff gets too old called Sherlock & Octavius where they do a crossover and solve crimes together like a detective Odd Couple. I am ALREADY SO EXCITED ABOUT THIS and it doesn't exist. Also, I am genuinely disappointed...

You all. Cover your eyes and ears if you do not wish The Moonstone to be ruined for you. Or, as River Song so succinctly puts it: DUDES WEAR NIGHTGOWNS WHAT I forgot this. No, you know what -- dudes wear nightSHIRTS. DAMN YOU WILKIE. This is like that story about the kid who gets into a car crash with his dad and the dad dies but the kid's taken to the hospital and the doctor looks at him and says "I can't operate on him; he's my son," and you're like "Whaaaaa?" and then it's like "'CAUSE THE DOCTOR'S A LADY -- BOOM! SEXISM EXPOSED." Wilkie's all, oh, you thought you knew what was going on? "HOW DO YOUR THEORIES FEEL BEING PUNCHED IN THE FACE?" Ok, but what happened here? We leave Miss Clack (boooo) and her talk of things like "the glorious prospect of interference," and we move to Mr. Bruff, who seems nice if not totally on top of things (mainly because he loves napping with his many pug dogs...

Wilkie, please always use irritable relations of the main characters as narrators. You've all forgotten Mr Betteredge already, haven't you? *glares accusingly* HOW COULD YOU FORGET HIM WHEN THIS HAPPENED: She turned to me, and gave me her hand. I kissed it in silence. I had a mini freak out when I read that. Because I love them. And their sekrit love that is communicated through her giving him orders to do things like make sure the horses are ready by six o'clock and him being like "It shall be done, my lady," which is Betteredge code for "As you wish" which is Princess Bride code for I LOVE YOU NOW ROLL DOWN A HILLSIDE WITH ME AND BATTLE SWAMP-RATS. I would so read that book. The Romantic Adventures of Lady Verinder & Betteredge . Now. HOW OLD IS EVERYONE IN THIS BOOK? Betteredge is in his 70s, right? And Rachel's like 20? So WHAT OF LADY VERINDER AND MISS CLACK? I'm SO confused. Because I thought L.V. and Betteredge were similar age...

You guys. What if it were Mr. Franklin ALL ALONG. WHAT is happening with Rosanna and him. Fingersmith is influencing me in untoward ways here. Let's all read some Sarah Waters after this. (fine. I'LL read some Sarah Waters after this) And so begins The Moonstone ! From what I could tell, pretty much everyone's had a similar reaction to the beginning, which is along the lines of "WHAT OMG THIS IS THE BEST . WILKIE WHY ARE YOU DEAD I WANT TO KISS YOUR OBSCENELY LARGE FOREHEAD WHAT'S UP WITH THAT WERE YOU DROPPED AS A BABY YOU KNOW WHAT IT DOESN'T MATTER BECAUSE IT HAS RESULTED IN AMAZINGNESS ." Tika from Reading the Bricks kindly scanned in Wilkie's preface, because she is awesome, so it is here , here , and here . I like to think Wilkie came up with the idea for this book in a tavern. Like, he and his bros were chatting and he was like "Oh yeah, there was a diamond or something that was cursed, right? Hey, what if I put the cursed diamond in ...

CAN YOU FEEL THE EXCITEMENT? Another Wilkie readalong has begun. Ah, hearken back to the days of yore (April), those of you who participated in the Woman in White readalong, and think on how little we knew. HOW PITIABLY LITTLE. And now we return, a little older, a little more imbued with the respect for Wilkie that he deserves. And with some new people joining us! Oh, how thrilling. To those of you who haven't done this before, link your post up in the Linky (I know, it's complicated) and try to visit at least some of the readalong participants, because WITHOUT DISCUSSION, THERE IS NO READALONG. Like an idiot, I didn't assign the prologue. It's like four pages. And AWESOME. You know that guy who narrates the Mummy movies? Ardeth? The member of the Medjai? And he's all mysterious and full of gravitas? That's how I hear the prologue. It's The Mummy Returns of the 19th century. Also — ALSO he uses a device that was used in things like The Fifth Element ...

So ends the month-long readalong of Michael Chabon's Telegraph Avenue . And look, the basic question should just be wrapped up here — should you read this or not? And the answer is yeah. Yeah, you should read it. I believe we've discussed the shiny, shiny red cover, which'll just look nice on a bookcase. Really brightens up the place. Basically this book takes subjects I don't really care about — jazz, blaxploitation films, midwifery — and made me care about them. Not forever and for always, but while I read. Which is damned impressive. This was my first Chabon. I'd suspected I wouldn't like him too much, and while he does verge on the I'm a Sensitive White Guy side of things, he's an excellent, awesome author and I'm totally checking out more of his books. Titus? Love. Gwen? I tolerate. Julie? Aw, Julie. Luther Stallings? That guy's great. Y'know, to read about. Probably not to actually know. Damn, I want pie. I'm writing this in ...

Ok, I'm sure we're all very excited about the Moonstone readalong, because WILKIE COLLINS. Last time we had basically no idea who he was, and now we are filled with a deep and abiding love for him and his weird-looking head. So this'll be good times. I bought my copy the other day, and saw to my utter delight that it is AGAIN broken up into different narratives, so we shall have our various preferred characters again and debate over whether someone is hilarious or DOES NOT STRIKE US THAT WAY (ok, this happened, but then I reversed my opinion). I left said copy at home, so my chapter divisions might be weird since they're based on the internet, but people need to be reminded this is happening, and happening WEDNESDAY, although Wednesday's just the first sort of "Let's introduce ourselves, etc etc" which people don't HAVE to do, but it's nice if you do it, 'cause then people're like "Oh, you! You're that person I know more ab...

All right. Section 2 of Emily's Telegraph Avenue Readalong . So here's the thing: I love Titus. Like, love. A whole lot. To the point where I'm kind of like "Why isn't everyone shouting on their posts about Titus?" BUT I get that this is the kind of book where the expanse of characters who are given page space is so great that people are going to pick different ones they love. This section...I'm actually not that crazy about Gwen. And with these character likes and dislikes, you can then ask yourself "Well, why?" and LEARN THINGS about thyself, so good job there, Chabon. But yeah, I get that she's got a whole lot of shit going on in her life. And that there's this stigma I just don't get because I'm white, but CAN YOU STOP SHOOTING YOURSELF IN THE FOOT, GWEN? PLEASE. It is frustrating to watch. You're not proving anything to these people other than confirming stereotypes they probably have. Archy's kind of more myst...

SO MANY THINGS ABOUT THIS BOOK. So, I skimmed the last 50 pages of the reading (if you haven't read the four pages or so past what I idiotically assigned, you should, because REVELATION), because I'm behind and I have to go to bed. But I THOROUGHLY read the rest. Let's dive right into week 2 (or 3, depending on if you count How Large Is Wilkie's Forehead week). WHAT HAPPENED? So much happened. SO MUCH. No one likes Sir Percival, but they can't figure out why, then Laura's all "I shall forswear my love, because that is accurate to the duties of the time period, and therefore let Fate do with me what it will!" So she marries Sir Percival Glyde (ewwww his name) and Marian's all "Noooooo!" even though it's pretty much her fault (more Mr. Fairlie's, but let's ignore him), and then they skip six months, which I WAS NOT EXPECTING and she's like "Yeah, nothing really happened during those months," so I guess I'm g...

Ok. Today is not only the fantastic best-posts-ever (I'm sure) day for Woman in White , but IT IS ALSO LAURA FROM DEVOURING TEXTS' BIRTHDAYYYYY . Hey Laura, remember this gif? This is for you: May all the baby polar bear tickling be yours on this special day NOW. Woman in White . Daaaaaaaamn, right? Ok, so first of all -- VINDICATED. WE HAVE ALL BEEN VINDICATED BY THAT LITTLE BOY WHOSE NAME I FORGOT. Wait -- Jacob Postlethwaite! Bless you, Jacob Postlethwaite, ye probable receiver of corporal punishment. Because what does he say? "Eh!--but I saw t'ghaist " -- BAM. This is why we thought this. Because when anyone sees a woman all in white, the automatic thought is 'GHOST TIME.' I'm reading the Penguin edition (I think -- it's at home) and it has tons of annotations, which is a state of affairs both helpful and annoying. The only one I want to mention is this reference to Wilkie Collins hating corsets:  Marian goes against the  mid-Victoria...

You think the title of the post is a typo, but it is not. THE WOMAN IN WHITE APRIL READALONG HAS BEGUN. Today is the day we discuss our preconceptions and how ridiculous we think Wilkie Collins is. As mentioned in  the sign-up post , I thought this was a ghost story for basically forever. Because it sounds like one. When is there ever an ALIVE "Woman in White"? Lady in Red, I'll grant you. I quote from an obviously completely reputable website called "Bizarre Bytes": Many, many, MANY cultures have a White Lady figure in their mythology.  In medieval times in England, The White Lady would act as a harbinger of death – appearing night and day in a home where someone is about to die. So just to beat this putrefying horse further into the ground (aww), it sounds like there should be a ghost, and I am put out about this. But enough people have said "OMG WOMAN IN WHITE I ENJOYED IT SO" that it is ok. Wilkie Collins. I look on him with suspicion bec...